Tobacco Companies Need to Convert to Presbyterianism

I have in front of me a group of tinned tobaccos that I bought, opened, and put aside for six months. It's not a pretty sight. Balkan Sasieni - dried out. Samuel Gawith: Golden Glow - desiccated. McClelland: St. James Woods - dry as a bone. Solani: Sweet Mystery X - a mystery no more. But wait, here's one blend that is almost as fresh and moist as the day I bought it: Presbyterian Mixture.
What secret high-tech device have the makers of Presbyterian blend devised to keep its tobacco fresh after opening? A plastic bag. Most tinned tobaccos come with an inner wrapper made of paper or no inner wrapper at all. Now, before you write me and point out that I should be keeping all my tobaccos in hermetically sealed jars, within a humidified cave, dug into the side of my basement, let me point out the following reasoning: I don't want to. I like smoking tobacco, not obsessing over tobacco. And to all you Doubting Calvin's out there who've complained that Presbyterian is too expensive (it costs about the same as any other premium blend), let me point out that a tobacco that can be opened and left on the kitchen table for months on end is a much better value than one that needs to be kept in some sort of diminutive NORAD complex.
A dried out tin of tobacco does not compel me to by another tin of the same thing, it merely points out that I didn't like that particular blend enough to finish it, in time. Perhaps if I had a little more time, God willing, I'd buy some more of the above named tobaccos, but seeing that I lack the hoarding impulse, I guess I'm destined, perhaps predestined, to smoke Presbyterian Mixture - so be it.

Photos: 1. "John Calvin & Thomas Hobbes" by Nina Matsumoto 2. 4noggins